He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
