Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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