i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
