8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
