It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
