the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
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He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
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I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
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Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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