You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
