Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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