Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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