Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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