Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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