I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you never un-have a 4some
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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