i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
