Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
