why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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