I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize