Can i not drive my cunt home
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
