Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
