I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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