Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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