did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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