so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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