i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
