How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
