I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
