So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
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When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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