Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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