I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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