I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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