Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
