It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
