A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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