R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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