i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my phone needs a breathalizer
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
