i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
