I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
