we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
