Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
