he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
