im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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