im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
