i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
