his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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