anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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