dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
