she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
