As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
the raccoons are back...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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