so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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