thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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