WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
