help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just google imaged poop.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
