Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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