May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize