he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling