Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
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my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
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I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Lo siento on account of my penis...