True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I am midnight drunk by noon
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.