if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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