So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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