"it" just moved
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
