Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
