It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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