well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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