dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
