You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
