I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
