oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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