I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
