Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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