I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
