White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
