Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
