remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
