you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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