i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
