Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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