He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
