Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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