I think I am morally bankrupt
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
